A beautiful mess

• call about getting my car fixed
• clean the apartment – laundry, bedroom, kitchen/dishes, vacuum, etc
• finish cleaning Obie and Zeke’s tank
• go to the Sprint store
• i think that’s all….

Let’s see how much I actually get accomplished.

 Update: Not bad actually. And going to the Sprint store isn’t very vital yet.

 My goal for today was mainly to clean the apartment/my room and unpack and do laundry. I got most of the laundry done, but have yet to put it away. My room is still a complete wreck and I still need to clean the rest of the apartment. It’s not horrible, I just want it to be finished. I did spend most of the afternoon cleaning out Obie and Zeke’s tank though. It needed it. It’s not done either though, so they will be sleeping in their old, smaller tank in my bathroom until tomorrow. I used bleach on their stuff for the first time so I hope it doesn’t kill them. :-/ I also found out that Zeke is actually a girl! At least I am pretty sure. I hope they don’t try to have babies!!!! I read though that girls will lay eggs anyway (even if there isn’t a boy) and then the boy will fertilize them. And they cant lay eggs in the water, so even if they don’t have fertilized eggs, she still may lay some and I will have to somehow build some place with soil that she thinks is suitable to lay the eggs in. Apparently it is a big deal. She will dig a big hole and everything. If she doesn’t lay the eggs (b/c she doesnt think the soil is suitable) she will retain them inside her body which can cause infections and even death. Ahh! I thought they were both boys Hopefully though, even if this does happen, it won’t be for another year or so at least. not that I will be anymore prepared then, but I can pretend.

Anyway…Beth and I went to see P.S. I Love You tonight. It was pretty cute. I want to see Enchanted too, I heard it was really good. 

Today has been 7 years without my dad….I really do miss him. : ( I can't believe it has been 7 whole years!

 It doesn’t feel like I’ve been home a week, but alas my time in Jeffersonville is coming to a close. I’m planning to head back to Jackson tomorrow morning. It was over all a good stay here…I got to see most of the people I wanted to see. We went to Mark’s house for dinner tonight (church with him last week), it was kind of weird. Josie and Emily are so much bigger now (it has been 3 years!). Josie is taller than me and Emily is still as skinny as a rail, but so cute. It was nice to see them, they have changed a lot. My mom says she doesn’t miss it there, but part of me does. I hated living there when we did – I don’t really remember why now (repression I guess, I tend to do that) - but I kind of miss it now. I think things would be different now if we lived there…I’m not home as much anymore and I’m older now. When we first moved in there it was only a year after my dad died so it was a really hard transition for my mom to get re-married AND have two little girls start calling her “mommy.” But Mark seems a lot more laid back these days – both of the kids have cell phones, which is really weird. I personally don’t think they need them (they are 9 and 12), and I was never allowed to have one until I could drive. But I just think it’d be different now since I’m gone most of the time, and even if I were to move home I think it would be okay. It was kind of nice to be in the “family” setting again, I think thats what I miss.  I like houses where there is always something going on, lots of people around. My mom doesn’t though, she loves being alone. But oh well, I guess everything happens for a reason. Anyway, I have a lot to do before I head out tomorrow, so I better go…

 
 So…another Christmas has come and gone. Hard to believe.

 Lots of weird emotional stuff tied to Christmas, but I won’t get into it on here.

 I love my family, but I wish I fit in with them better.

 I also wish it was a bit colder so it actually felt like Christmas. That or that I was somewhere like the Bahamas, then it would be alright.

 My mom came this year for the first time probably since 1998 when my parents got divorced.

 We had an interesting conversation on the way to North Vernon. Mostly about our family and how our lives have changed.

 Things have changed so much. Not sure I like it, and I’m not exactly sure if I’ve accepted it or if I even know how to, but I wish I did.

 I feel like some of the things that have happened to me over the past couple of years have made me a completely different person… and sometimes I feel bitter about that. I wish I knew how to accept that, too.

All in all though, I guess it was a good year. What’s left of my family was able to come together and we had a good time, and there’s not much more I can ask for. No matter how sad or angry I am that half of my family can’t be there, it’s not going to bring them back… instead I have to remember the years they were there and look forward to the years with whatever parts of my family I get to celebrate with.

Merry Christmas, everyone! Hope you had a great holiday! : )

Jeffersonville is no longer the same to me, and it’s kind of sad. I’m not sure I like it this way. I miss the way things used to be here, but I guess that’s life. Just makes me realize how much I will miss Jackson when I have to move from there. It’s almost like I am leading two lives…and they are completely opposite. ha

I am kind of excited for Christmas though, although I wish it was colder. I love the warm weather, it’s my favorite kind, but since it’s Christmas it is supposed to be cold. that’s just how the world works. And since it’s not, consequently I’m not in the Christmas spirit.

I really don’tknow what else to say. There’s a lot I could update with, but I just haven’t felt like it lately. maybe later.

I have been neglectful to you, my readers. I apologize. However, blame it on livejournal, because I just had a long entry typed up, and it disappeared. And I don’t feel like typing it again…