So I had much higher expectations for this weekend, but it ended up being okay I guess.
+ I went to the zoo.
+ I ate ice cream.
+ I saw my old neighbors.
+ I picked up Kristen off the street corner.
- We talked about all the problems in our lives.
- We talked about how everything has changed in the past year.
+ I watched The Ringer.
+ I watched Prime.
+ I played in a sprinkler.
+ I bought a swim suit. Target, baby!
? I bought leggings.
? I saw Ms. Short.
+ I didn’t cry at all on Saturday.
- I cried again on Sunday, though.
- I felt like death in the morning.
+ I played on a playground.
+ I ate at Cracker Barrel.
So, over all 11 positives, 4 negatives and 2 neutrals/I’m not sure how I feel about those’s. So I guess that was a good weekend.
I need to quit being a stupid-pants though.
I feel like I’m in a rut. A rut I need to get out of ASAP. I miss the time in my life when I was actually content. i’m never content anymore. I depend too much on other people for my happiness and moods. I look too much for approval from other people. I feel like I’m back in the shell I was in 5 years ago. Only worse. I feel like for every step forward I’ve taken the past 5 years, I’m now taking 10 steps back. What is wrong with me? why can’t I just be happy with myself? why can’t I be ok with failing? why does everything have to go perfectly, or not go at all? Why am I so not motivated? Why don’t the things that used to bring me great joy do so anymore? Why why why? I just want to be happy. I’m not asking for everything to be smooth sailing forever, I know there will always be problems. I just want to love myself again and realize I am a person of value and worth. Is that so much to ask?
I played basketball today. Shocking I know.
( + 22 )
And this is arguably the best picture I’ve ever taken.
I’ll update with details later. I’m extremely tired, so I’m going to take a nap. yes at almost 7:30pm.
Today I made the long (well, sort of) trek up to North Vernon. My cousin graduates med school tomorrow, so he will officially be an M.D.! crazy how there are two doctors in the family now!
Quote from Eric on how much money he makes compared to the docs:
“I work for an hour and say “That’ll be 60 bucks.”; Adam goes *crack*, “That’ll be 60 bucks.”; Brad goes *writes out a presecription* “That’ll be 200 bucks.”
I thought it was funny. Maybe you had to be there.
But it was fun. I always love getting to spend time with my family. And even more so when it is under good circumstances like these as opposed to funerals. I had a good conversation with my aunt too. which was nice 
I had a good time hanging out with Eric too. But when don’t I have a good time hanging out with Eric? If he ever gets a day off work I’m going to go visit him again.
On the way home we got pulled over. And my mom got her very first ticket ever.
( + )
She was sad, but I thought it was funny. I was glad to be there to share the milestone moment with her, and to take pictures for her documentation. She appreciated it.
Me and my brother are cool.
Another year living approximately 10 minutes from Churchill Downs and I didn’t go to the Derby. I’m cool. my horse didn’t win either. Not that I actually bet on it. I wanted to, but never did. I don’t even know how he did… I didn’t get to watch it because I had to work. I’m talking about Lawyer Ron, by the way. Oh well.. maybe next year.
I feel kind of out of it right now. My back hurts, but it’s not the muscles in my back this time.. it’s like a bruise or something, except there’s not one there. there’s a really sharp pain on the right side of my lower back that hurts really bad. it kind of makes me sick to my stomach if I move a certain way.
And my emotions are a whole other story. So that sucks. I don’t know what to do.
However, i have found great joy in making homemade strawberry smoothies. and banana smoothies. I haven’t made a strawberry banana smoothie yet though.
Saturday was my last day at A Joyful Noise. Hopefully I can get a new job soon. I guess.
Umm…I’m hungry so I am going to go now.
The grass is always greener on the other side.
I’m sooo tired right now. I’m not really sure why. I still have a lot of my to-do list left to do, but none of it should take too long. Motivation, where are you?
P.S. Why is gas so expensive? nearly $3/gallon is wayyy too much for fuel.
• go to the bank
• call hanna
• go to the store
• turn in my application
• get ice cream
• roll coins
• make di vinci flyer
Today is Tobey’s birthday…
HAPPY 8TH BIRTHDAY TO TOBEY!!!
